


I Love You, You Don't

by Wiccy



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Don’t copy to another site, Gen, Implied Relationships, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 13:09:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20310049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccy/pseuds/Wiccy
Summary: The real reason behind Finn's sudden departure from the First Order.





	I Love You, You Don't

**Author's Note:**

  * For [reeby10](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reeby10/gifts).

> This is what came out the moment I thought about the ship and started typing, but in the end it was really angsty and I wasn't sure it was true to the spirit of what you'd asked for. So I wrote you something else and decided to post this one as a companion piece treat.

He couldn’t remember exactly when he’d started to feel like this wasn’t his place, like he didn’t belong here. When he first realized that the First Order wasn’t actually for the good of the universe or the good of anything other than itself. Because it hadn't always been like this. It hadn't always been hard to breath here. It probably happened around the same time that he realized that he wasn’t her favorite any more. When their extra training sessions had begun to dwindle until the had dried up all together. He didn’t know who the new favorite was, didn’t much care if he were honest. All he knew was how much it hurt that it wasn’t him anymore. 

When he looked at her now, watched her, all he could think was how much he wanted her to notice him again. How much he longed to feel her arms around him, her body pressing him into the wall or the training mat. How much he wanted to hear her praise; for his form, his strength, the way he moved, his execution of orders. He wanted to go back so badly it left a tightness in his chest that ached and throbbed the closer he got to her and the farther away she became. He wanted her to come back to him so badly he could hardly keep his mind on anything else.

He’d started to tell himself lies, hoping he would believe them, hoping they would help; It wasn’t like they’d had a _real_ relationship. She’d never said those kind of words, never been his girlfriend or his lover – not that FN-2187 didn’t fantasize about that. So, he couldn’t really complain, he really shouldn’t feel so empty and deflated without her time and attention. Was she really all that great anyway? She was really self-centered and kind of mean. She wasn’t important and meant nothing to him. So far, they only worked up until the point when he caught a glimpse of the glint of that shiny silver armor or heard her call his designation during roll calls and mission briefings. He’d keep trying anyway, until they stuck.

The one thing he did know for sure was that he couldn’t go on like this. He had to find a way out.


End file.
